David Pierce, D-Hanover, is a member of the New Hampshire House of Representatives. His partner, Robert Duff, teaches music theory at Dartmouth College. The following is an edited interview with Pierce.

We both dreamed of having a big family. I’m from a family of seven, he’s from a family of five, and pre-puberty, we’d always assumed that we’d grow up to have the kind of family we grew up in. Of course, when we came into our sexual awareness, popular culture said it was never going to happen.

In the mid- to late ’80s, with the AIDS crisis in full flower, not very many people in the gay community were thinking about getting married and having kids. But we were. So that was a strong attraction for each of us. We talked about how we both lost the dream of having a family.

With no marriage, there’s no anniversary, but we mark the beginning of being together since our first date in 1992. It’s been 16 and a half years.

We were together 11 years before we adopted Emma. For a long time, it was just work, work, work for me and school for him, so we put it off. I don’t know if you’ve experienced this, but when you first get together with your spouse, you feel you have all the time in the world.

Then, when we were in our early ’30s, we thought, “We’d better get on with this.” There was no biological clock ticking, but I was beginning to feel the urgency.

We contracted with an adoption attorney out in Los Angeles, where we were living. We went through many close calls of being matched up with a birth mother.

In early 2003, we hooked up with a family that was pregnant, and we clicked. We supported them for six months. About a month before the birth, her husband abandoned her in Las Vegas; I don’t know the reason. She called us up just in panic. We put her up in a hotel close to where we lived and supported her there. Three weeks before the birth, she skipped town. We were just devastated.

Of course, I will never know what a miscarriage feels like, but it must have felt something like that. I still harbor a sense, based on no evidence, that when the father abandoned her, it was part of a plan. They were able to soak us for whatever they could and keep the baby. I think part of it was that her father had told her, “If you make this decision, you’re no longer part of the family.” He said, “No grandchild of mine is going to be raised by a couple of faggots.”

After that, we got a number of calls. A couple of them said, “Let’s do this,” then changed their minds.

In February 2004, I got a call from a birth mother, Emma’s mother, and she was due in a month. We didn’t even meet until she was in town to have the baby.

We were both there for the birth. We gave Emma her first bath, and two days later brought her home with us.

They say gays shouldn’t be married because we need to protect children, but look at my family. Bob and I have had a loving and committed relationship for almost 20 years. We love our children more than we could have ever imagined. Will permitting us to get married somehow be bad for our children? Marriage protects families, it doesn’t tear them down.

When my daughters grow up to understand what discrimination is, I don’t want them to learn that they were the objects of it. My family deserves the same, full dignity and fairness under the law as any other family.