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Greetings, Class of 1975. I’ve come from the future to deliver this commencement chat. Don’t concern yourself with how I managed this. It’s an old newspaper columnist’s trick.
First, never forget what you learned here and the friendships you made here. That won’t be all that difficult. Like bounty hunters, the Alumni Fund staff will track you down wherever you go.
You have a long, strange trip ahead of you, but first pat yourself on the back (while you still can, before you have age-related shoulder issues) and dream of great things ahead (before senior insomnia socks it to your REM sleep). Most of you have no college debt, except for unreturned library books. A day will come when this seems like great good fortune. Treasure it.
Men: Think twice, and then think again, about the hot fashion of today, leisure suits. You won’t look good in eye-popping polyester, and someday you’ll want to destroy all the photographic evidence.
Women: Feminism is going to win out. The rightness of the cause is undeniable. The patriarchy is on the way out!
But … it’s going to take nearly half a century to get most of the way there. The Soviet Union will change before legislators in certain American states do.
Just six years ago, humans first landed on the moon. Perhaps, like me, you have little or no interest in going to the moon, but it’s up there, and there we went.
Maybe your own adventure is going to be driving to Philadelphia with nothing but a AAA road map that folds like an accordion. You might think, “Why don’t we have a magic device that speaks out directions so I don’t get lost driving through New York City?” That’s not crazy talk. Just wait and see.
Political leadership is going to ebb and flow all the way to 2019. Comedians today are making fun of President Gerald Ford. You may think that “We couldn’t do worse,” but don’t be so sure. We don’t have Nixon to kick around anymore, but henchmen and schemers keep coming back, like a five o’clock shadow.
The time traveler’s Code of Ethics forbids me from offering much financial advice, but here’s a couple of tips. According to Census data, the average price of a new house in 1975 is $39,500. Buy one! Or two. The new Volkswagen Beetle is just over $3,000, so treat yourself. You can skip trendy mood rings, CB radios and Pet Rocks. Someday you will be reminded of them and you will think, really?
Watch out in the years ahead for the word “disruption.” It’s hard to believe, but a revolution starting with boop, beeps and squawks over Ma Bells’ phone lines is going to disrupt the economy and our lives in ways you can’t imagine. Kids will watch movies in the backseats of minivans, music will beam through the air to tiny ear plugs, the Sears catalog will be but a memory.
You will start to think that Big Brother is watching you, and you will be right. He’ll be tracking you to sell you stuff, stuff you want, stuff you need, stuff you didn’t know you wanted or needed. He’ll offer cheaper car insurance, plastic gadgets, a simple trick to cure toe fungus. And consumers will want more, more, more. I can’t really explain it. It will just happen.
Eventually you may get nostalgic for 1975. You may wonder, after a long time passing, where have all the hippies gone? One answer will be: Vermont. They will go back to the land … and make premium ice cream! That will have to do until pot is legalized.
If you are asked to give a commencement address to 2019 grads, urge them to be brave and good, to do their best for their family and community. Kindness and humility may well be in short supply.
You’ll know what I mean when you get there.
Class of 1975, your last four years have been carefree — skipping classes, drinking beer, throwing Frisbees on the quad. You have been living the lyrics to Simon and Garfunkel’s 59th St. Bridge Song:
I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep,
I’m dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep,
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you, all is groovy.
Those lyrics will seem a bit silly by 2019, but man, you are going to miss that groovy feeling when it’s gone.
Dan Mackie lives in West Lebanon. He can be reached at dan.mackie@yahoo.com.
