SPRINGFIELD, Vt. — The term “etiquette” may bring to mind a bunch of stodgy, outdated rules dictating which fork to use. But awareness of proper behavior is more relevant than ever in the digital age, according to Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of venerated advice columnist and etiquette expert Emily Post.
As part of a family that’s been in the business for 100 years, Senning defines etiquette as a combination of manners — a set of societal expectations — and the core guiding principles of good behavior. Those principles, he said, have remained unchanged: “consideration, honesty and respect for others.”
“It’s about thinking how to conduct yourself,” Senning said. “Applying a lens of thinking about other people, respecting them. It’s useful when trying to navigate situations where manners aren’t clear, where you’re crossing cultural lines and boundaries.”
Senning, who lives in Duxbury, Vt., will give a talk titled “Etiquette in the 21st Century” at 2 p.m. on Tuesday, April 9, at the Nolin Murray Center in Springfield, Vt. The program is part of a lecture series presented by the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute of the University of Vermont. Admission is $8.
Etiquette also can bring some perspective to the #MeToo movement, Senning believes.
“Having a standard of conduct that’s universal, that applies to everyone equally … that was all designed to create a workplace that functioned for everyone,” he said. “If people had internalized that idea, we’d be in less trouble now. Do I hug everyone in the office? Do I stand this close to everyone in the office? It becomes a really useful standard.
“We’re living in a moment where there’s a growing understanding about what it really means to think about the other person’s perspective.”
In his lectures and podcasts, Senning increasingly finds himself answering questions about etiquette challenges posed by modern technology.
“Any type of communication where you’re not present with the other person, it can be difficult to figure out,” he said. “But a lot of the standards that apply to in-person interactions still apply.”
Fed up with online rudeness, some people have told Senning they’re pulling back from social media, choosing to not share personal information or to not participate at all.
“My challenge to people who complain about social media is, ‘How do you react (to rudeness)?’ ” Senning said. “Do you contribute positively? How do you cultivate the kind of online spaces we want to participate in? You look for those, you foster those. You support that.”
When asked to relate the most surprising etiquette question he’s ever received, Senning recalled being asked about ordering pizza.
“Some people want a certain thing on their pizza, others don’t care,” he said. “When the pizza arrives, do the people who expressed a preference have a right to the slices that have those (toppings)?”
The answer?
“You say, ‘I asked for the vegetarian pizza; I’d like to be sure I get a couple of slices.’ There’s some standing for you to make that request. And there’s a reasonable and kind way to do it. For the other people, ask before you take that last slice,” Senning explained.
“My secret job is, I’m an advocate for decency.”
Editor’s note: For more information about Senning’s talk, visit learn.uvm.edu/olli or call 802-885-3094.