Thetford, Vt. —
Mrs. Graham’s life was defined, above all, by her love for her family and friends, and the many things she enjoyed throughout her life. She loved her home city of Vienna, and native country of Austria. She also loved New England, which she appreciated in ways that brought Robert Frost poetry to mind. She loved music, theater, and art, animals of all kinds, beaches, hiking, great old films, flowers, and gardening. Every spring, she looked forward to visiting the local nursery to pick up flowers for her window boxes, which she tended to with great love. She loved kindness, wisdom, and intelligence. She had a very artistic eye, and musical ear, and enjoyed playing piano. She had a wonderful sense of humor and loved to laugh, and make others laugh, which she often did, and always called it “the best medicine.” But her greatest love and devotion was always for her family, her many close friends, and for beautiful music. She was deeply loved by her family and friends, and always will be.
A few months before her passing, while sitting in the hallway at the hospital with her son, Chris, and her daughter, Leslie, she was listening to a gifted volunteer play “As Time Goes By” on a grand piano. Deep in thought with eyes welling up, she expressed her profound appreciation of the simple beauties in life: “When you have beautiful music, what more do you really need?”
Lili was born Lili Minora Passini on Sept. 27, 1927, in Vienna, Austria. Her father, Paul Passini, was a banker with the Mendelssohn Bank in Vienna. Lili’s grandmother, Lili Mendelssohn, was the granddaughter of composer Felix Mendelssohn. Mrs. Graham’s mother, Alma Howell, was a US citizen whose family originally came from Canada. Mrs. Howell’s father was a US diplomat who brought the family to live in Vienna when Alma was a teenager. In 1937, when Lili was ten, shortly before the outbreak of WW II, Lili’s parents divorced, and her mother returned to New York City. Lili continued living with her father in Vienna. Her father remarried and had two more children, Stefan Passini, and Paul Passini, who still live in Vienna.
A deeply formative experience in her life as a child was living through the Nazi horrors of WW II in Vienna. The family endured air raids that destroyed the building next door to their inner-city apartment building and required them to live in the basement for extended periods of time with little food. Nevertheless, her time in Vienna enabled her to appreciate and learn from the extraordinary cultural richness of that city. As a teenager, living a ten-minute walk from the Vienna Musikverein, she would routinely walk on Saturdays to attend concerts of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra, directed by some of the great conductors of the era. Part of what she loved, as she often said, was that such concerts were available for anyone to enjoy, not expensive, and “just a normal part of life” in Vienna at the time.
At age 20, in 1947, Lili traveled to the US to live with her mother in New York City, where she worked at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. After two years, she returned to Vienna. A few months later, she walked into an office at the State Department to apply for a job as a translator and administrative assistant for her future husband, Robert B. Graham. For him, it was love at first sight. As he liked to say, his first thought was, “My future wife just walked through the door.” Not surprisingly, she was hired on the spot. It wasn’t long before she too realized they were meant to be together forever. Her nickname in the office was “Audrey,” due to her love of Audrey Hepburn films, as well as her striking resemblance to one of her favorite movie stars.
Both Lili and Bob had a very deep sense of humanitarian values, partly rooted in both the evils and the extraordinary heroism and decency that the war manifested. For example, her husband, Bob Graham, was one of the very first US soldiers to enter and liberate the Dachau concentration camp. It was an experience that became a cornerstone for their mutually passionate commitment to human kindness, decency, wisdom, and love, and to speak up against oppression and wrongdoing.
In 1952, Mr. Graham returned to the US, and Lili followed shortly thereafter. They settled in Barrington, R.I., and were married there at the White Church in 1954. While living in Barrington, Mr. Graham worked as a journalist and editorial writer at the Providence Journal. Their children, Andy, Chris, and Leslie, were born in Providence in ‘58, ‘59, and ‘63, respectively. While in Barrington, the family loved to spend weekends and summer vacations enjoying the sun and bodysurfing at the beach in Newport, R.I.
In 1966, the family moved to Wayland, Mass., after Mr. Graham took a job in media relations at Harvard Business School. While in Wayland, the family loved to spend weekends and summer vacations on Martha’s Vineyard, where Lili’s favorite spot was Lucy Vincent Beach. Two years later the family moved to Hanover after Mr. Graham was offered the job as Director of the Dartmouth News Service, from which he retired in 1983. Lili and Bob made the Upper Valley home for 48 years. They lived in Hanover for ten, then enjoyed the beautiful view at the top of Pinnacle Road in Lyme for eleven, and for the past 27 years in Thetford Hill surrounded by Lili’s lovely gardens and the beautiful maple trees she loved so much in the fall.
Before her children were in school, Lili stayed at home taking care of them with endless love and support. Once they were all settled into school, Lili entered the work force, starting at Dartmouth College. She worked in a few different departments as an administrative assistant, where she was admired and respected, and made wonderful lifelong friends. Later she worked in retail clothing, where she shined with her wonderful sense of style and elegance. Following retail, she worked in real estate and particularly enjoyed the personal interactions with the many people she met. Some years later, she began volunteering at the Thetford Public Library, a place she came to love. She was an avid reader and loved being around the local school children at the library, and giving of herself to her community.
A memorial service will be held at the Unitarian Church at Hartland Four Corners, Hartland, Vt., on March 4, 2017, at 1:30 p.m. There will be a reception after the service from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. at the Norwich Inn, Norwich, Vt. Donations of flowers, among her favorite things in life, may be brought to the church or arranged through Roberts Flowers in Hanover. Any other donations in honor of Lili may be made to the Thetford Public Library, and/or a local Humane Society. All flowers and donations are greatly appreciated.