WEST LEBANON — Phyllis Stinehour lived in a large house on Prospect Street West — and her home was nearly always open.
For more than 40 years starting in 1966, Stinehour ran an independent childcare business out of her West Lebanon home, caring for more than 450 children. Her house also frequently became a makeshift motel for pilots who trained at Lebanon Municipal Airport, graduate students at Dartmouth College and employees of Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center.
“She truly was generous,” Stinehour’s daughter, Patricia Stinehour, said. “She took in tenants, and she ended up being quite good friends with (some of them) and she would go to their weddings and knit blankets for their babies.”
Stinehour was born and raised in Whitefield, in northern New Hampshire, and graduated from Whitefield High School in 1953. She began raising her family in Lunenburg, Vt., but after moving to West Lebanon in 1964, she remained there for the rest of her life. She died at 86 on Oct. 19, 2021 after a period of declining health, having dedicated around half her life to volunteering and caring for children in the Lebanon area.
Although Stinehour never advertised, once word got around about her day care, demand skyrocketed — she had four or five kids at her house on a typical day and had to turn away two or three people per week. She did not take newborns, but pregnant mothers-to-be still often tried to get on her list.
Kate Conner’s two sons, Duffy and Sean, began spending their days at Stinehour’s home in 1986, and Conner said Stinehour not only took good care of her boys, but also gave her parental advice.
“I never had a moment’s hesitation or worry about how they were or what they were doing,” Conner said. “It was a marvelous relief. In fact, one Saturday, (my son) was crying, and I said, ‘what’s wrong?’ He said he wanted to go to Ms. Stinehour’s, because he knew the kids were there playing. She was absolutely remarkable.”
Conner said Stinehour knew the exact date every child started coming and when they left, and when parents came to pick their kids up at the end of the day, Stinehour would talk with each of them and give them a report.
“She ran a tight ship. She was strict, but she was very fair,” Conner said. “She thought play was child’s work. I remember teachers at Mount Lebanon (Elementary School) saying that they could tell the kids who had been at Phyllis Stinehour’s because they were able to play well together. They got along with other kids, because she expected that and she taught them that.”
Stinehour remained friends with many of the parents long after their children aged out of her program. She made sure the kids were prepared to start their formal education, teaching them to walk to school and back.
Conner was a single parent, and her kids continued to come to Stinehour’s house after school as late as second or third grade while she worked. The two lived just a block apart and remained in close contact for many years, even after Conner left the Upper Valley and moved to Arizona.
“She was so special. She was such a wonderful friend,” Conner said. “I made a trip back last summer, and I was able to spend some time with her. Phyllis was like family to me.”
Sue Gerrish was another parent whose kids came through Stinehour’s childcare program. She and Stinehour stayed in touch through Christmas cards and social media until Gerrish moved to Tennessee shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Gerrish said Stinehour was like a grandmother to her children, Nicole and Tate, who are now 19 and 17, respectively.
Stinehour would care for the kids for the full day on Monday through Friday, and in the summer as well as the school year. The days were highly structured — the children would have breakfast, clean up, play with toys, read, nap and have an afternoon snack. Gerrish said Stinehour was good about sticking to the schedule.
Breakfasts and lunches were always homemade, and Stinehour made sure all the kids had small beds for naptime.
“It was like bringing your kids to grandma’s house,” Gerrish said. “Even though she was old, she was definitely young at heart. She ran that place like clockwork — it was all very regimented. They all knew what to expect and did just what they were told to do. She kept everybody focused and on track. It was basically like sending them to a professional day care, but one older woman ran the place.”
Like Conner, Gerrish relied on Stinehour for parenting advice. Gerrish didn’t have other moms living near her, so Stinehour helped her to teach her kids to stay in bed at night.
“She certainly knew what she was talking about with kids,” Gerrish said. “It was a homey, comforting environment. She was really a blessing that we had, and we were in the same neighborhood, so it was nice that we could go right over to her house and drop them off. She was really a special lady.”
Stinehour had four children of her own — Patricia now lives in Seattle, Bill and Rick Stinehour are both in other parts of New Hampshire, and Craig Stinehour is in New York. She also has eight grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.
Although Stinehour kept her ex-husband’s last name after their marriage ended decades ago, she never lost touch with her Irish heritage — she was born Phyllis Marie O’Brien, and St. Patrick’s Day was a big deal at her day care. She and Patricia took a trip to Ireland for Stinehour to fulfill her dream of visiting an authentic Irish pub.
“We always had a boiled dinner on St. Patrick’s Day,” Patricia Stinehour said. “We have lots of O’Brien cousins, and my mother had a family reunion every summer. It kept us in touch with a lot of relatives that otherwise we would probably lose touch with.”
Patricia said her fondest memories of her mother involved her locally famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which she served to her day care kids and house guests. While she baked for the kids frequently, she knew having them help her in the kitchen was probably not the best idea.
“There are three generations of West Lebanon people who know those cookies,” Patricia said. “She made them for every occasion. I don’t think she knew how to make another cookie. She gave them away for Halloween, and people asked for the recipe and brought their kids back so they could eat them. The ironic thing is she didn’t like them. She wasn’t really into oatmeal.”
In addition to her hospitality, Stinehour was an active volunteer in the Upper Valley. She helped organize community events at Holy Redeemer Church in West Lebanon and St. Anthony’s Church in White River Junction. She also volunteered at the Upper Valley Humane Society with the pet therapy program, where one therapy dog, Heather, gained some renown when Stinehour took her to nursing homes in the area.
The Kilton Public Library in West Lebanon recognized her impact by dedicating a shelf in the children’s section in Stinehour’s name. But to all the families who she helped care for, her legacy will stretch far beyond a bookshelf.
“It was such a privilege to be her friend those years,” Conner said. “To have my children experience that time with her, and to just know the impact she’s made on so many lives in this area.”
Benjamin Rosenberg can be reached at brosenberg@vnews.com or 603-727-3302.