Jannine Walsh of New London is studying for a master’s degree in theology in a distance-learning program through the Franciscan University of Steubenville in Ohio. She works part time as the director of religious education at St. Denis Catholic Church in Hanover. The following is an edited interview conducted on Ash Wednesday.
I have been preparing for Lent for a couple of weeks and really praying for what my specific penance was going to be, what I should be giving up in my life and what I should be adding.
Normally when I pray the rosary, I’m lazy and I sit down when I say it. I’m going to make a point for Lent of actually saying it on my knees, because that’s half an hour of very, very slight discomfort - no big deal, really - but it is a big deal because I’m still offering that little sacrifice to God.
During Lent, you’re saying no to food, no to TV or no to something else so that you can say yes to God. But it’s very hard when we have habits to change.
There was a point in my life where it was very hard for me to deny myself. I would complain because I wasn’t doing it in my heart. We try to fill up that hole inside us with so many other things - money, power, success, whatever - and really none of that fills it up. There are so many things pulling our hearts away, but we all have the voice of God in us.
When the ashes were given, Father Becket said, “Remember you are dust came and to dust you will return.” Our lives could end at any moment, so we always need to be looking at ourselves. And just like he said in the homily, the truth is scary. To look at yourself, to really look, is rewarding because God will give you the grace to change.
The ashes are an outward sign of an inward reality. I don’t have the urge to rub them off when I leave the church. I’m actually proud when people look at me and notice. I’ll forget I have them and every time I look in the mirror today I’ll be reminded once again, to dust we will return.
It shouldn’t just be that we wear the ashes, then forget it. It really is 40 days of something different. And hopefully at the end of Lent I’ll continue the things I’ve started. This is the beginning. Tomorrow isn’t going to be just any other Thursday. It’s Lent.