Nicholas Dellermann lives in South Royalton with his wife, Katie, and their four children. He spent seven years at St. Tikhon’s Orthodox Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania before moving to the Upper Valley. He was recently ordained as a deacon and plans to join the priesthood within three months. The following is an edited interview.
Coming out of seminary, a lot of the guys leave as priests, but I decided to hold off. I felt I was in no shape to take on running a parish, so I stayed a layman. It’s one thing to love to read theology on your own, but seminary is exhausting.
I just wanted to rest for a little bit and relax. But I’ve found that, whenever I make solid plans like that, God laughs at me and says, “We’re going to do things my way.”
About two months ago, the call came. The bishop said, “I have a parish and I’d like to get you ordained.”
Friday and Saturday were a nervous time for me. I’m going into a parish that needs a priest. Can I do this? Am I going to be priest enough for them?
It’s not like I’m giving them financial advice, which is scary enough; I’m giving them the big stuff. You’re responsible for each soul under your care, and you’ll answer for it at the final judgment. That’s heavy.
My oldest boy did this kind of countdown: “Poppa, in two days you’ll be a deacon.” “Poppa, tomorrow you’ll be a deacon.” It was like, “Stop telling me; I know. And it’s kind of a heavy thing, OK?”
Sunday morning before the ceremony was high anxiety time, like, “This is it. I can either bolt or I can do this.” It’s like being a new dad. Am I going to give my children what they need or am I going to infuse them with all my hang-ups, fears and bad habits?
During the ceremony, I was told to kneel next to the altar, and Bishop Nikon put his hand on me, gave me words of encouragement, then did the prayers of ordination. At the end it clicked, it was almost audible. I knew things were good. I was doing the right thing, and I’m on the right path.
Now there’s a kind of calm. It’s scary, but at the same time it’s joyful and it feels right. The big thing is to make room in your own ego for God to work through you, that’s the advice I’ve been given.
Basically, I’ll do what I can. And if a miracle needs to happen, it will.